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September 22, 2009Review: Zombieland (Chris’ take)
September 17, 2009 
Zombieland (2009)
Directed by: Ruben Fleischer
Written by: Rhett Reese & Paul Wernick
Rating: 3.75/5
I had a shitty day and nearly blew off a chance to see Zombieland during a free preview screening. I was bummed by a little unreasonable family drama going down just after my lunch break. I pride myself on being someone who avoids ridiculous drama and that’s usually worked out pretty well for me. Not today, though. Man, I was livid! It was just so unavoidably in my face. At the close of work, I decided “screw it” because I was meeting some good buddies and I knew they would drag me out of my funk. Glad I did, because even though we were just shooting the proverbial shit in line, I instantly perked up. Good friends make all the difference and I have some of the best!
So, getting to Zombieland, I found a parallel in the movie’s story that made me relate to it in a very real way. At its core, it is the story of family. Not the family you’re born into, but rather, the family you end up adopting through your life experiences. Maybe these people have gone through similar tough times with you, or maybe you both shared a couple of beers and stories on the porch while admiring the sunset together. I’m talking about a stronger bond than blood, which really isn’t much of a bond at all. More like something akin to standing in line for hours waiting for a zombie flick and not minding at all because you enjoy the company.
If you’re looking for a bleak, serious socio-political treatise on the failures of humanity, well, Zombieland isn’t quite what you’re looking for. There really isn’t a serious bone in its shuffling, rotting body. The filmmakers are assuming you’ve already had enough of zombie apocalypse 101 to bypass explanations. Instead, we get something that is part Romero and part Adventureland. That’s not necessarily a bad thing.
Since the zombie apocalypse has already occurred, very little time is wasted as we’re introduced to Columbus (Jesse Eisenberg), a young man surviving the wasteland by following a large list of rules. He meets up with Tallahassee (Woody Harrelson), a gung ho survivor with a bone to pick with zombies and humans alike. The two form an unlikely team roaming the landscape before meeting up with cunning sisters Wichita and Little Rock (Emma Stone and Abigail Breslin). The four set off together on seemingly different quests, but ultimately united by the common goal of kicking zombie ass.
With a snappy script, some great effects, and the best surprise movie appearance ever (I want to spoil it so bad, but I won’t), Zombieland is nothing if not enjoyable. Some people will say that it’s “a zombie film for the iPod generation” or will mumble something about “Mumblecore” (whatever the fuck that is), but I don’t entirely agree. Sure, it treads familiar territory on two fronts, the zombie apocalypse theme and recent trend of awkward teen love. But it does so confidently with strong performances and invention. The familiarity is broken up by some clever additions and a handful of pretty decent scares. Pop culture references abound, but you care enough about the characters that it doesn’t get too bogged down.
What I suggest is grabbing a group of buddies, have a couple of pre-movie drinks, hug them, tell them how much you love them, buy your tickets, sit together, enjoy zombie carnage, repeat! That’s what family is all about!
Paranormal Activity IS coming to Boston, MA!!
September 16, 2009
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Oh Twitter, all is forgiven. Making up for all those spambot followers and “today I had TP stuck to my bum” tweets is the followingsmashing news from TweetYourScream:
“Sept. 24th – limited midnight Fantastic Fest screenings of PARANORMAL ACTIVITY: LA, NY, San Francisco, Chicago, Boston, Atlanta, & Seattle”
Sweet baby James Boston is going to be one of the cities that gets a showing of Paranormal Activity. I’ve been looking forward to this film for months and now I know it’s coming to my town.
On top of Boston, Paranormal Activity will kick off with on September 24th at 11:59pm with screenings in the following cities: Los Angeles, New York, San Francisco, Atlanta, Seattle, Ann Arbor (MI), Durham (NC), Baton Rouge (LA), Boulder (CO), Columbus (OH), Santa Cruz, Orlando, Lincln (NE), Tuscon (AZ), Madison (WI) and Chicago.
For those that don’t know-Paranormal Activity is the story of a couple that believe they are being haunted. They set out to capture the spirit on film, and when the cameras roll, all sorts of terrifying activites occur. This is being hailed by audiences and various websites as one of the scariest movies in years. In a classic case of less is more-the sounds of the film deliver most of the scares, and much like the Blair Witch Project, the audience derives most of the fright from their own imagination.
Visit the official site by clicking the following link: www.paranormalmovie.com
HorrorBlips – Paranormal Activity IS coming to Boston, MA!!
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Super Ladies of Horror: Margot Kidder
September 15, 2009
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Most people know Margot Kidder from her role as Lois Lane in the first two Superman films, and I can’t say I blame them. She played Lois as a tough as nails smart-ass, and was hot enough to make you believe that she was the one woman out of Superman’s league. With her big, baleful eyes, chestnut hair and that husky come-hither voice, and let’s face it, one smoking hot figure, Margot Kidder just rocked in the 70′s. Still, her role as the intrepid report Ms. Lane is not what landed her the initial post in this series. When I think of Margot Kidder, I think of her from her fantastic performances in a pair of seventies classics: Black Christmas and The Amityville Horror.
Bob Clark’s Black Christmasis an under rated classic. Very few movies then and now could combine so many far flung elements-the obscene phone calls, the house full of soroity girls and their flask hiding alcoholic den mother, the abortion sub plot that came out of nowhere only to go unresolved, nd of course, Margot Kidder as Barb. Anyone who’s seen the movie remembers her scene were she takes the piss out of the cop at the station: F-E-L-L-A-T-I-O-it’s a new area code. How can you not love a woman who takes time searching for her missing, potentially dead friend to make blowjob jokes at the Precinct? Kidder’s Barb was a whiskey swilling party girl who had the stones to mouth off to obscene phone callers while the rest of the girls simply peed themselves with shock. Kidder injects the film with a sexy crassness as she takes no prisoners with her pithy commentary and smartass comments. The beauty in her portrayal is her Barb KNOWS that everyone around her can’t stand her but she’s too busy having a good time at their expense to really give a hoot. She’s the kind of woman you want to party down with, but she’ll probably drink you under the table, steal your iPhone, prank call your mom then take her on a date and get to second base with her moments after the front door opens. Plus, you’ll never think of the phrase “Death by unicorn” quite the same way again.

In the Amityville Horror Kidder played Kathleen Lutz a woman wrestling with many insecurities. She struggles doubts about integrating her new husband into a life with three children from a previous marriage. She agonizes over mortgage payments and whether or not her extended family has accepted her new marriage. She has to deal with this all before even knowing her new home is doing its best to dispatch of her and her family. In her role as Lutz, Kidder unveils a softer side unseen in Black Christmas. With a single widening of her eyes, she conveys a vulnerability unseen in previous roles. A particularly great moment, one that occurs before the house begins to terrorize the Lutz family, occurs when she’s simply doing yoga stretches in her room, unaware her husband is watching her. When she finally sees him, she’s startled and attempts to cover herself in her white shirt, but still remains coy about the whole thing. As the film progresses and the house starts to slowly prey on the family, Kidder’s vulnerability shines through.

"For the last time, we don't want to switch our long distance provider!"
Though later on Kidder would gain notoriety for her struggles with bipolar disorder, there is no doubt that she was one of the finer talents of the seventies. She helped usher in the slasher age and gave as realistic performance as you’ll ever find bringing the controversial “true story” of the Amityville Horror to the big screen. For these two reasons alone, Kidder deserves our top spot as one of the finest women in horror history.
And now…deep thoughts
September 14, 2009a couple quick hits now that I’m back from Atlanta and snug as a bug at home:
First-If there isn’t a movie in the works about a frustrated man that snaps after his downstairs condo neighbors play “Beatles: Rock Band” at amazingly eair piercing volume well past midnight on a weeknight, then I say we round up a film crew ASAP. Even better, let’s make it a reality show, starring my downstairs neighbors. I’ve got some creative ideas in mind about the damage that cheap plastic guitar can yield.
Second, I’ve GOT to stop watching french horror movies before going to sleep. I’m two for two in the past week when it comes to having crazy dreams involving brie and a zombified Hercule Poirot. This week’s culprit was Frontieres. Full review will be up soonish.

Zombie Poirot needs to eat brains to use his brain. Now get out of my dreams and into my car you swarthy frenchman.
DVD Review: Laid to Rest
September 11, 2009
Laid to Rest (2009)
Dir: Robert Hall
Written by: Robert Hall
Rating: 3/5
I grew up during the wave of the 80’s slasher craze. That’s a lot naked breasts and slit throats to soak up for an impressionable youngster. Because it was such a profitable time for horror films, the big studios were tripping over themselves to get the next crimson-soaked flick out the door. With looser MPAA standards, body counts of ridiculous proportions were being racked up on screens across the country. Characters with big hair, skinny ties, and Reeboks were being creatively offed left and right. I remember that being a pretty fun time, but probably because I’ve blocked out all the dismal crud that was churned out during that era. For every “classic” there were about fifteen crapfests made simply to cash in on a trend. Nostalgia has a way of whitewashing the bad while amping up the good so that all we have left are sugary sweet memories of the past.
A new crop of horror filmmakers are riding a wave of old school nostalgia that started with Alexandre Aja’s Haute Tension (2002). With that film, Aja rejuvenated the long dead stalk and slash formula by injecting first class cinematography, amazing effects, and a pile o’ sheer dread. Well, if you’re one of these brazen newbies shouting that your movie is a throwback to the “classics”, then you better 1) have a chemist’s skill for improving on the old formula, and 2) a keen eye for cutting out the aggravatingly dumb shit plaguing the lesser offerings. What I mean is simply that you better bring your A game.
With that in mind, I was a little hesitant to check out Robert Hall’s tribute Laid to Rest. It hovered at the top of my “to watch” pile for a month or two. Since I’d already been let down by a few dozen neo slashers over the past 10 years, I kept passing it over. The thing is, I’m not really a huge fan of slashers in general, even though more than a few rank among my favorite movies. Still, there was something about that shiny stainless steel skull flanked by hunting knives on the cover that begged me to pop it into my DVD player.
Does Hall get it? Well, sort of. The minimal storyline follows a victimized amnesiac (Bobbi Sue Luther), known only as “the girl”, waking up in a coffin. With no context, she sets out on a terrifying journey of discovery piecing together the bits ending in her wooden holding cell. She quickly discovers that a hulking madman (Nick Principe), outfitted in a metal skull and shoulder mounted video camera, is decimating everyone around her. After a narrow escape from the coffin and the killer (including a brief appearance by genre vet Richard Lynch!), she flees into the cold, dark night. Along the way she is assisted by Tucker and Steven (solid performances by Kevin Gage and Sean Whalen), two good-natured fellows just trying to help a pretty girl out of a jam. What happens next is a series of some of the goriest set pieces captured on camera. You see, Hall is a special effects makeup artist by trade. And boy, does he know his shit!
What I found refreshing in the movie is that is it laced with ambiguity. Who is the girl? Why the hell is she stuffed in a coffin? Who is this psycho known only as “Chrome Skull”? A lot of these questions are never addressed, and I liked that. Too many movies fall victim to over explaining everything, stripping away the all-important mystery. Our imaginations take us to a much scarier place than the half-assed revelations we normally receive.
More importantly, Laid to Rest is fun, a crucial ingredient that current horror filmmakers forget. It truly feels like a carnival fun house delivering the gory goods in ridiculous excess. Bolstered with good performances, you actually want to find out what happens to The Girl rather than fast-forward to the bloodshed. I was especially impressed by the fact that the characters displayed emotional trauma throughout the film, rather than simply blowing off the fact that a friend or family member just got hacked into 47 pieces. Despite his gruff exterior, Kevin Gage in particular displays an impressive vulnerability as anguished Tucker. It’s wrenching to see the grown man cry.
Let’s face it. This film isn’t going to win any awards. The music is annoying at times. It has a pseudo heavy metal synth guitar thing going on that I despise. The editing is a bit quick in the same manner that kills the suspense in a lot of current movies. There is the standard “dumb people doing dumb things”, a habit that horror writers can’t seem to break. Luckily, these complaints didn’t keep me from enjoying it once I got settled.Keep an eye on Hall. He has composed two solid genre love letters with Laid to Rest and his directorial debut Lightning Bug (2004). Although both movies have their problems, they clearly show that even if Hall wakes up with no memory in a coffin, he is still headed in the right direction.
Laid to Rest is available on DVD from Anchor Bay. http://www.anchorbayentertainment.com/index.asp?p=Home
Goofball Retro Horror- PROM NIGHT
September 7, 2009
My own senior prom was the pits. My then girlfriend and I had broken up the week for but decided to remain “friends” (oh young Michael, you had so much to learn) and still go together. I believe we said about five words to one another. The Prom song was Frankie Valli’s ‘Oh What A Night’. After I dropped my date at her house, I was arrested ten minutes late. Not for any badassery or late night debauchery. No sir, I was hassled by The Man for failing to pay a previous speeding ticket.
So with that as a back drop, how did my craptacular evening shape up with the events of 1980’s Prom Night? The movie stars Jamie Lee Curtis as she’s smack dab in the middle of her run as horror’s favorite scream queen. It’s a simple story with a premise that gets overused nowadays.
The movie starts of strongly. There are some excellent exterior shots of the abandoned school our kids (Wendy, Nick, Kelly and Jude) are playing in. When the Hammond siblings (Kim, Alex and Robin) stumble upon the school, some contrived events involving a geography book end up with Robin being the only of the three that go inside the school. The other four kids decide to chase her while yelling that “The Killer is Coming” and it’s genuinely scary, and ends with a terrified Robin plummeting out a window to her death. Wendy makes the other kids swear a pact to tell no one they were there, but of course SOMEONE sees them. The next scene cuts to her dad (Leslie Neilson-criminally underused in this movie) grieving in one of the abandoned classrooms while the voice-over of Lt. McBride (George Toutilas-frankly he looks like Ralph Frumpyface Nader, so from here on in I’m calling him Lt. Frumpyface) tells him that the assumed killer, a sex predator, also sexually abused Robin, despite any evidence to the contrary.

Now the film cuts to “Six years later” and things take a turn for the odd. I understand that this was an early entry in to the slasher genre, and have to commend the film for attempting to ape Halloween rather than do what most of the followers did-throw as many teenage bodies on screen and let the body count pile up ASAP, For the fact that for the next hour, not much happens. Aside from some creepy prank calls (again, might as well steal from the best-Black Christmas), you’d think Prom Night was a mash-up of Mean Girls and Staying Alive. The next on-screen kill doesn’t take place until exactly the one hour mark, and even after that there are some odd pacing issues. Really, you just get an hour the kids hanging out at school and Jaime Lee’s borther getting in a fight with three bullies where he busts some spider monkey next level moves before anything else happens. Oh, and a VW Bug drives by. Very ominous.
That’s not to say there’s not goofy fun to be had in that hour. There’s some snarky back and forth between Jamie Lee Curtis’ Kim and the bitchy Wendy as they fight over Nick. Even though she’s playing another version of the Laurie Strode good girl, the film allows Curtis to let her hair down a little more. She gives as good as she gets when she snarks with Wendy. There’s also an inexplicable dance number midway through the film where for two solid minutes Jamie Lee practices her disco dance moves on a completely empty gymnasium floor with no music playing in the background whatsoever. That alone is so deserving I spent a few minutes wondering if they were setting up a massive swerve where Jamie Lee would be unveiled as the killer instead of the Final Girl.

Can I just say that I completely understand (and heartily endorse) why Jamie Lee decided to go topless a couple years later after seeing her prom dress outfit. She looks like a pink Grimace’s puffed up little sister in this thing. She HAD to show off the goods after this movie if only to prove once and for all she wasn’t a dude. The fact that the actor playing her boyfriend managed to pull off the “you look beautiful line” without dissolving into giggles when escorting her to the dance is a testament to his talent and ability.
There are also some great bit characters in Prom Night. Robert A Silverman is a great genre “That Guy” and he has some hysterical facial expressions as he’s planted as a red herring throughout the movie. Check out his reaction below when a luscious young coed gives him the full moon.
There’s also a great character named Slick. This chubby little guy drives a tricked out Shaggin’ Wagon, sports an amazing jewfro and looks like he could be Jonah Hill’s Dad. He also manages to score a pretty baberific Jude (Joy Cunningham) the morning of the prom AND gets in her pants that night. The fact that she’d never met nor heard of him before that day begs the question as to how you go through four years of high school and not at least bump into such an awesome schlep a few times, but this isn’t the type of film where heavy mental living is required. Their death scene, which involves the Shaggin’ Wagon and cliffs, is hysterical.

There’s also a dance number with Jaime Lee and her prom date that begins with the line “Le’s show them what we got” and is straight out of Staying Alive. It is Awesome with a Dick Vitale Capital A BABY!
I could have done without the extended chase scene. Suffice to say, if you’re getting stalked by an axe wheedling maniac in a ski mask, run TOWARDS the room with 200 students and teachers in it, not the student auto body shop.
Also, if you’ve ever thought “Man I kind of dug HALLOWEEN, but it lacked that disco soundtrack during the climactic struggle between the killer and the final girl that would’ve brought it over the top.” Then Prom Night is your movie. Also, I think Joss Whedon ripped off the idea of how to kill Buffy’s season five big bad Glory with the hokey idea of Summer’s blood when Jaime Lee understands who the killer is.
After watching a woman use a pair of fabric shears In order to give another woman a home cesarean (Inside) Prom Night is the kind of goofy fun that blasts some of the nightmares away. It’s not brilliant, but it’s a nice, nostalgic look at early 80’s teen scare flicks.
Agree? Disagree? Go to the top and leave a comment.
DVD Review: Inside
September 5, 2009
Inside (2007)
Directed by Alexandre Bustillo & Julien Maury
Dimension Extreme Studios
French, subtitled in English
As far as foreign horror goes, the French are the bee’s knees. The French specialize in making the confines of the average home a place of unimaginable horror. Continuing the tradition films such as High Tension and Them, Inside is a truly gruesome entry into the home invasion genre. What sets Inside apart is the additional terror one feels for a woman on the verge of giving birth attempting to fight of a deranged home intruder, defending herself and her unborn child, as well as the sheer levels of monstrosity another woman will go to in order to get her hands on the unborn child.
A warning: Inside is one of the most gruesome movies you will ever watch. If you are at all squeamish at the site of squirting blood, you may want to take a pass on this film. If you do watch, you will never look at a hair chopstick quite the same way again. The killings are brutal, and the use of fabric shears for cutting up of flesh is especially cringe worthy. While there is blood galore in the film, it is not what makes this movie so terrifying. The tension created as the antagonist (a simply amazing Beatrice Dalle simply billed as “La Femme”) stalks Sarah with the sole intention of cutting her child out of her womb is crafted so well, it vaults Inside to modern classic status.
The film opens with a shot of a fetus resting in the womb as it hears its mother’s voice coo words of comfort. The next cut is of a grisly car wreck and its bloody aftermath. The camera focuses for long tense moments on the grisly visage of Sarah (Alysson Paradis). While she survives, her husband has been killed in the crash.
Four months later, it is Christmas Eve and Sarah is a day away from having labor induced. She has emerged from the accident an angry woman, and she lashes out at her mother and others who try to comfort her. As she spends the night alone in her home, there is a knock on her door. A woman asks to use a cell phone, but Sarah refuses to open up. When Sarah claims her husband is sleeping, the stranger chillingly tells her “We both know your husband isn’t sleeping, Sarah”. After a chilling standoff ends when Sarah calls the police and the stranger leaves. After scouring the area, the cops promise to check back later that night.
Soon afterwards, The Woman returns, unaware to Sarah. While the audience knows what is coming, those tense moments when Dalle silently observes a sleeping Sarah before tearing into her is horror at its finest.
When the carnage begins in earnest, and there are no limits to the level of shock the film is willing to sink to. Yet, while much of the more grisly scenes are telegraphed ahead of time, waiting for that shoe to drop left a nervous pit in my stomach, and these moments paid off in a big, cringe-inducing way. The film is also beautifully shot especially the interior living room with soft, low, red-tinged lighting filtering in from the table lamps, which adds to the atmosphere of dread. There’s an amazing sequence featuring a flash camera which highlights what has transpired in the home. Special props go out to both actresses. As Paradis and Dalle are the only two persons on screen for large portions of the running time, they both completely sell their roles. Paradis makes you both root for and fear for Sarah as she is not only fighting for her own survival, but also must deal with her water breaking and her impending labor that the stress and fear has triggered. Dalle is simply amazing to watch. The ways her simple black dress and tangled black hair hide her in the shadows, the way her cigarette briefly illuminates her face in the dark and murder lurking behind her eyes, and her utter relentlessness make her a genre icon for this age.

Beatrice Dalle is stunning as La Femme
The only thing that keeps me from calling this movie perfect is the return of the police. In particular, one cops string of stupid decisions in such a short time dragged me out of the movie and had me yelling at the screen. I know horror movies hinge on people making poor decisions, but when one cop in particular stumbled into the blood bath only to make a string of mindblowingly awful decisions, it served as a terrible distraction that took me out of the movie. I would have completely nixed the fifteen minutes with the return of the police and focused on the bloody cat and mouse game between Sarah and La Femme.
Thankfully the film quickly rebounds and leads up to one of the most shocking climaxes I’ve ever seen. The last five minutes of the film will turn even the most seasoned horror vet’s stomach, yet at the same time, the closing moments are as oddly beautiful as they are disturbing, thanks to some excellent cinematography.
Once again, the French have demonstrated an amazing knack for getting horror right. Maybe it’s American’s shrinking attention spans that lead our directors to substitute torture and jump scares in place of real tension. It seems that the French know that while buckets of blood can horrify an audience, the real fright comes from the tense moments of wondering what the worst thing is that can happen, even in the perceived safety of our own homes.
Postscript: After finishing review, I got up to make a small snack. I mistook someone in the lot outside shutting their car door as a bang on our porch. I jumped, and even after realizing there was nothing outside my door, I set the deadbolt-a rarity at our place, and locked the sliding glass patio door despite the night’s humidity. We live on a second floor condo which would be VERY difficult to climb up onto. This movie stayed with me hours after we had finsihed watching it.





